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Women in TechDec 12, 2017
NewAeonFlux

#MeToo

Have you experienced sexual harassment, sexual assault, or sexism at your current or previous company? And if so, at which company and did HR fix the problem?

Autodesk Revit Dec 12, 2017

I was molested and sexually harassed by multiple women in the last 6 months .. Being a strong Asian male , I did not report to HR as I feel no action would be taken.. how to fix this ?

Microsoft MP3 Dec 12, 2017

My Asian female manager started off 1 on 1 in the first few months commenting on my physique and feeling my arms, shoulders, saying how strong and masculine I was. What was I to do? I cannot reciprocate the advances and say anything to her as then she can accuse me of sexual assault. There is nowhere for a man to report anything to. I’m serious, by the way.

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asLM87 Dec 12, 2017

That’s really creepy. Of course a feminist will never admit that, mainly because they’re pseudointellectual liberal arts majors. Everyone gets a trophy folks! No matter how hard you work.

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=^..^= Dec 12, 2017

So, um, on behalf of my gender I’m sorry that those women made you feel uncomfortable. Women don’t report sexual harassment or take a stronger stance on saying “No” not because we feel “no action would be taken” but because we legit fear for our fucking lives sometimes. Men will hold us down and jerk on our faces if we say no. They’ll trap us behind a door and jerk off on our shoes. They’ll wait till we’re passed out drunk to stick their dicks in us and then brag about it later. They’ll hold us down in an empty school hallways and rape us and then when our parents file charges, our houses get vandalized, our sisters get beat up in school And we spend the next 25 years of our self medicating our PTSD with drugs alcohol. So, I don’t mean to say that your feelings aren’t valid, I’m sure it was an uncomfortable situation, but for many women the fear you have of not being taken serious is a disingenuous platitude to our experiences.

Cisco UCMH38 Dec 12, 2017

From a manager while eating lunch in the break room: “May I ask you a question? Are your breasts real? Because, wow!” From a director: [grabs my hand] “Come out with me.” Me: “No thanks, my husband made dinner for me tonight. I’m heading home.” Him: “I’m married, you’re married...who cares? Let’s go.” This is the same guy who leered at me so much that my (male) manager (also a great friend) noticed it and got pissed off. I’m pretty easygoing but damn.

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AeonFlux OP Dec 12, 2017

Exactly. This is pretty typical behavior women have to deal with. Oh, and you’re expected to just not respond when it happens or you will be considered “difficult to work with” or “not a good company fit.” The threat of retaliation in some way is always there and it’s intimidating.

Microsoft MP3 Dec 12, 2017

Yeah, talk about the horrible threat of retaliation when men have their careers destroyed by lying women. Poor you. Lol. Keep in mind all these cases have yet to reach court. There was a Canadian tv personality with 6 women accusing him, turns out he kept emails and text messages for last 15-20 years. All accusations easily dismissed as there was proof the women were willing. His career was still destroyed. I also don’t hear you talk about women who sexually harass men. In most states the law doesn’t even consider as a legal possibility. In how many states, a woman cannot be prosecuted for raping a man as it is not even written in a law?

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AeonFlux OP Dec 12, 2017

🙄

Wells Fargo bpiS06 Dec 12, 2017

What I posted is not a joke. Actually happened but I agree that women may face much worse and as a father of a girl that may work in the tech industry, this stuff has to stop.

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AeonFlux OP Dec 12, 2017

I’m very sorry this happened to you. I thought you were mocking the question. No one should have to put up with that.

Twitch zugzug Dec 12, 2017

Not only as ‘the father of a girl’ but as a basic decent human being.

Yahoo ve610hw Dec 12, 2017

Please stop saying “father of a girl.” You don’t have to have a daughter to think this shit is wrong, and you’re implicitly saying people without kids are excused.

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asLM87 Dec 12, 2017

It gets complicated and there are always two sides to the same story

Amazon peccasaur Dec 12, 2017

There are 3 sides to every story. What each person says(which is always subjective) + what actually happened(objectively).

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asLM87 Dec 12, 2017

How very postmodern. I’ll bet you listen to Jordan Peterson too.

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AeonFlux OP Dec 12, 2017

I agree that there can be complicated situations and sometimes things can be misinterpreted. However, most of the time this is not the case. Here’s an example which was posted on Blind: https://us.teamblind.com/article/sexual-harassment--assault-at-deloitte-JY22txJf. The culture at that company seems rotten to the core based on the comments. It’s not that complicated to figure out in that case.

Intel ee1502 Dec 12, 2017

Yes, I get told I don't look like an engineer every fucking day it seems like. My old manager called me attractive several times in private and made jokes about women. Another guy said he'd like to see me bend over in a skirt. Another asshole just started staring at me, and asked "oh do you work out". Didn't even know this guy and said yes. He said "wow cause you have just an amazing body". I told HR, she files a report but also yelled at me for reporting it in the first place. I got ostracized from my group. No one would talk to me. All to find out it was unsubstantiated because most of these comments were in private. I was forced to find another job. That was my first job out of college... man was it a wake up call

Microsoft MP3 Dec 12, 2017

Are you trolling? What you’re describing is men hitting on you, commenting on your looks, that is flirting not sexual harassment... The skirt commend is lewd for sure, but it is hardly the worst. I wasn’t there so I can’t say for sure, but these men were probably autistic or just inexperienced with their advances... Or maybe you were the autistic one, I don’t know. You do realize you have the capacity to choose how to feel about such behavior? You choose to interpret it as the worst thing ever and so it is to you, when another woman would brush it off you choose to report it to HR. I also don’t see you saying you told them you weren’t interested, which would be the first step in taking action, not reporting something as simple to HR. Also funny you mention he was making jokes about women when these days almost any movie or advertisement portrays men as incapable bafoons being rescued by a woman. Imagine if the gender roles where flipped in this media, the passive aggressive behavior and gaslighting stayed, the world would go mad. Do you see my point? Also, I’m genuinely curious to hear how you imagine acceptable flirting would be like if say a man you don’t know approached you at work in cafeteria. How many hoops to jump through and covert language to use?

Credit Karma Johmy Dec 13, 2017

Microsoft, learn how to be a human and respect others and it will be much less confusing for you. If you think the difference between flirting and harassment is coded language, then you are pretty lost when it comes to mature human interactions. Women are not a puzzle to be unlocked with the right balance of pick-up artist BS. Treat people like people and not targets for your sexual wants and you might have better luck in relationships or at least be a decent person.

Microsoft MP3 Dec 13, 2017

@Johnmy, you may want to get your sarcasm detector checked.

Flagged by the community.
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AeonFlux OP Dec 12, 2017

Not funny. It’s a serious issue many women in tech deal with everyday.

Capital One 5gnetcarbs Dec 12, 2017

If your post is only directed at women perhaps you should specify in the question. Otherwise I recommend treating male sexual assault victims seriously

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AeonFlux OP Dec 12, 2017

It’s posted under Women in Tech and I thought the person was making a joke. Am I wrong? Of course, I take it seriously regardless of gender.

Amazon JefeBezito Dec 12, 2017

Yes, at my previous company. A VP would regularly tell me how amazing my body looked, how great my legs looked in particular jeans, etc. Totally unsolicited. He was married and I was single. I am sure some on here will say he was just complimenting me, but it created a dynamic at work where it felt like my worth to the company was based on my appearance. It was a startup so I don’t want to say which because I would then be identifiable. “HR” (the sales guy who took on a stretch assignment to be head of HR) actually did deal with it, and it stopped.

Snapchat oxh Dec 12, 2017

Twist ending of the decade right here.

Microsoft MP3 Dec 12, 2017

For some reason I can’t help but imagine the sales guy dealt with the problem using his sales tactics to prove VP that you weren’t all that attractive. It worked though, which is all that matters.

Amazon JefeBezito Dec 13, 2017

My understanding is that the VP had several other complaints so the HR person told him they were at risk of being sued. They had also recently fired a pregnant woman and there was some fear around being sued for that. So while it was a bit of a surprise when it actually stopped there were a number of factors working in my favor.

IBM kMBR58 Dec 12, 2017

I think only attractive people get sexually harassed.... So no.. never experienced it.

Visa woqO06 Dec 12, 2017

Sorry

IBM kMBR58 Dec 12, 2017

You are sorry that I've never been sexually harassed? lol... Jk but nah, it's ok.

Expedia OekY75 Dec 12, 2017

Sexual harassment and assault has to do with power, not attraction. Please don’t spread BS like this.

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=^..^= Dec 12, 2017

I wasn’t at my old job for very long but there was this one guy, a “Bro”, and we became drinking buddies. Him, his TL and our DIR used to go to the gym together and sometimes out for drinks. Good team. “Bro” used to be super inappropriate sometimes. Among other things he’d pretend to slap his dick on stuff like the desk or wall, say things like “what’s wrong, your labia sore?” And he called everyone “Girl” because he thought it was demeaning. I was asked to give a team member feedback on him and send it to his TL. I thought it was confidential so I put something good, something he could improve on and at the bottom I put “You know how he does that thing where he pretends to slap his, um, er, dick on everything? Yeah, I could really do without that”. I said it to be funny, and also, HOW DID THEY JUST LET HIM DO THAT!?!? Turns out, the form that I submitted wasn’t confidential and would be automatically put on his electronic employee record. Long story short, 3 weeks later I got a letter of reprimand for calling in sick after my start time ( Bro and I called in sick, I was legit sick and Bro was hungover)playing a phone game with Bro during a break at our desks and talking about being hungover with Bro. The letter was officially for “Poor Professional Appearance” Bro got a >10k raise+bonus and got to go to San Diego for a “work trip” It was HR that gave me the letter. They knew about the dick thing, too. QL Detroit - I found a new job with a 17k raise 6 months later so fuck that place.

Google gainz4dayz Dec 12, 2017

"Bro" sounds like a dope dude which is probably why you didn't mind being drinking buddies with him.

Credit Karma Johmy Dec 13, 2017

And google here sounds like a dick that needs to be slapped around.

Blippar anonymous+ Dec 17, 2017

=^..^= - You have an essay a few replies before where you claim that all men are rapists who "want to jerk off on your face"! And of all your co-workers, 'bro' - who was super inappropriate all the time - became your drinking buddy? And you still think he's 'cool', and just made the mentioned comment in your feedback form to be funny? Poor life choices. Not my problem. There are shitty men and shitty women everywhere. People who face a problem must grow up and act responsibly to fix the problem first, before asking independent third parties for help and support.

Amazon aCqz14 Dec 14, 2017

I notice that for a lot of male engineers, my idea has to be repeated to them by another male engineer, before they will seriously consider it.