Does all MIL’s obtain happiness by - blaming how bad their daughter in law bring up was and how awesome she and her / her sons bring up was - blaming daughter in law for all problems in her life I am tired and exhausted already 🙄 If I talk back when she blames me or my mom , she gets upset and stop talking to me.. maintains that graveyard silence at home ... if I start overlooking her criticism , it’s never ending ... she is extending it to criticizing me in-front of my friends on how bad of a person/mother I am 😠😠 How to you gets maintain mental sanity with a family member having such a terrible attitude?
Not going to be any help because I moved far away from my family. However I have dealt with ultra critical people who can't be happy without putting someone down. In general if it bothers me I try to address it instantly and persistently. If it doesn't bother me I'll actually laugh with my complete attention on the person. I'm not sure how I learned that but every time someone does something that is supposed to be an insult I crack up. The longer it goes on the funnier it gets. I rarely deal with problems twice but then I also try very hard to understand where someone else is coming from at all times so maybe people give me a pass.
You have to apply management concepts here. Be firm and straight to the point that you will not tolerate this. Educate her that constructive criticism is welcome but all the time complaining won’t do anything. You all are part of the same team and collectively you can achieve more elegant solutions. Also, since it’s your husband’s mother, you need to convey to him that this bothers you. He could try to mediate or set clear boundaries and write down what expectations are there and if they are reasonable. Lastly professional help is always there such as therapy, marriage counseling which can help you or your husband to understand how to handle this.
If you call her on it and she gives you the silent treatment isn't that a victory?
Haha.. good one ...
I am not sure how much can my husband help me here ... every time he supports me or my family , she start saying “ you changed a lot after marriage , you do not understand / value me anymore.. it’s my fate that I had to go through this... blah blah blah”.... He started staying away and he is not willing to talk to me regarding this anymore as he don’t see a way to handle this ..
Insecurity is the key ingredient driving your mil’s atrocities. She is of the type who cannot let go but needs to be in control. I am sorry to say your husband is still a mama’s boy. If he was man enough he would shut his mother up. She is so stupid does not realize she is embarrassing her son only by bringing you down in front of your friends. You need to have a chat with both your husband and mil. Best wishes for the new year.
He needs to understand that when he’s not defending you, it causes you pain, and that it makes you feel alone. Can you do couple’s counseling? If not, can you go to counseling on your own? I think he needs to put into perspective that another five, ten years of being harangued by his mom is only going to drive you apart and resent your relationship with him.
is she living with you? maybe that could be fixed?
You need your husband to intervene. Nothing you say will make a difference and will continue to strain the relationship. Also it’s better to live separately from your MIL.
Check out https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/. If these stories apply to you and your MIL you may have a support group. Otherwise the stories are great anyways.
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Get your husband to advocate for you since your MIL is his mother and he can hopefully help right the situation.